Under the Slush Pile

Ready for a good laugh?

Q:

"I write with the truth that is like a sword of two edges that can and will penetrate each reader and leave an impression lasting at least this life time.   The material written has power that can unite a planet for the good of mankind and earth.  It may well be the only true chance that mankind has for the long awaited evolution towards spirituality."

A:      "Dear Tom Cruise, we regret to inform you that our client list is full." 

This is just the latest example of what you'll see at Slushpilehell, a site I tumbled upon recently. I love this one but there are so many more at Slushpilehell.

Q:

"I just completed my 91st short story.  But that’s not the email I wanted to send to you. To the point, I concede (read—Uncle! ).  I don’t possess the luck required to attract an agent via query letter.  But, then, I know brilliant scholars who are terrible test takers.  You are a talented agent, likely overworked.  Think outside the box.  A single talented writer possessing eight uniquely entertaining novels and ninety-one short stories could make life easier.  Call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx.  A brief conversation will save you weeks, if not months, of fruitless query reading."

A:     "Great. A writer with 8 novels, 91 short stories, and the inability to write a query letter. 
          "Hope you’re standing by your phone, because I’d hate for you to miss my call."

Just don't laugh too hard...


[One more]
Q:
         "I am typing you this digital letter requesting that your agency  represent me in securing a top-notched publisher to produce and sell my  book."

A:
         "Hey, buddy. It’s 2011. We no longer call them “digital letters.” They’re now known as “mystical airwave bulletins.”


For more of these gems, go to http://slushpilehell.tumblr.com   and let me know if you find a jewel.