"I write with the truth that is like a sword of two edges that can and will penetrate each reader and leave an impression lasting at least this life time. The material written has power that can unite a planet for the good of mankind and earth. It may well be the only true chance that mankind has for the long awaited evolution towards spirituality."A: "Dear Tom Cruise, we regret to inform you that our client list is full."
This is just the latest example of what you'll see at Slushpilehell, a site I tumbled upon recently. I love this one but there are so many more at Slushpilehell.
"I just completed my 91st short story. But that’s not the email I wanted to send to you. To the point, I concede (read—Uncle! ). I don’t possess the luck required to attract an agent via query letter. But, then, I know brilliant scholars who are terrible test takers. You are a talented agent, likely overworked. Think outside the box. A single talented writer possessing eight uniquely entertaining novels and ninety-one short stories could make life easier. Call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. A brief conversation will save you weeks, if not months, of fruitless query reading."A: "Great. A writer with 8 novels, 91 short stories, and the inability to write a query letter.
"Hope you’re standing by your phone, because I’d hate for you to miss my call."
Just don't laugh too hard...
"I am typing you this digital letter requesting that your agency represent me in securing a top-notched publisher to produce and sell my book."
"Hey, buddy. It’s 2011. We no longer call them “digital letters.” They’re now known as “mystical airwave bulletins.”
For more of these gems, go to http://slushpilehell.tumblr.com and let me know if you find a jewel.