Monday, February 28, 2011

Under the Slush Pile

Ready for a good laugh?

"I write with the truth that is like a sword of two edges that can and will penetrate each reader and leave an impression lasting at least this life time.   The material written has power that can unite a planet for the good of mankind and earth.  It may well be the only true chance that mankind has for the long awaited evolution towards spirituality."
A:      "Dear Tom Cruise, we regret to inform you that our client list is full." 

This is just the latest example of what you'll see at Slushpilehell, a site I tumbled upon recently. I love this one but there are so many more at Slushpilehell.

"I just completed my 91st short story.  But that’s not the email I wanted to send to you. To the point, I concede (read—Uncle! ).  I don’t possess the luck required to attract an agent via query letter.  But, then, I know brilliant scholars who are terrible test takers.  You are a talented agent, likely overworked.  Think outside the box.  A single talented writer possessing eight uniquely entertaining novels and ninety-one short stories could make life easier.  Call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx.  A brief conversation will save you weeks, if not months, of fruitless query reading."
A:     "Great. A writer with 8 novels, 91 short stories, and the inability to write a query letter. 
          "Hope you’re standing by your phone, because I’d hate for you to miss my call."

Just don't laugh too hard...

[One more]
         "I am typing you this digital letter requesting that your agency  represent me in securing a top-notched publisher to produce and sell my  book."

         "Hey, buddy. It’s 2011. We no longer call them “digital letters.” They’re now known as “mystical airwave bulletins.”

For more of these gems, go to   and let me know if you find a jewel.


Janette Harjo said...

Reading your "slushpile" blog was a great way to start my day!! LOL!

And that picture!! LOL!

Marley Delarose, Author said...

Aren't those hilarious? The site is full of those.

Bill Kirton said...

The really disturbing thing is that they're true.

BTW, I've nominated you for a stylish blog award, Marley. If you want it, copy the logo from my blog and tell us 7 things about yourself.

Rosemary Gemmell said...

Hi Marley - just dropping in via Bill's blog. Enjoyed your sad, but true, slush pile statements.

Martie said...

Thanks so much, Bill. I've been remiss in my posting lately, just a lot going on but I'll get to it.

Hey Rosemary, thanks for stopping by!! Aren't they a hoot?