Q:
"I write with the truth that is like a sword of two edges that can and will penetrate each reader and leave an impression lasting at least this life time. The material written has power that can unite a planet for the good of mankind and earth. It may well be the only true chance that mankind has for the long awaited evolution towards spirituality."A: "Dear Tom Cruise, we regret to inform you that our client list is full."
This is just the latest example of what you'll see at Slushpilehell, a site I tumbled upon recently. I love this one but there are so many more at Slushpilehell.
Q:
"I just completed my 91st short story. But that’s not the email I wanted to send to you. To the point, I concede (read—Uncle! ). I don’t possess the luck required to attract an agent via query letter. But, then, I know brilliant scholars who are terrible test takers. You are a talented agent, likely overworked. Think outside the box. A single talented writer possessing eight uniquely entertaining novels and ninety-one short stories could make life easier. Call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. A brief conversation will save you weeks, if not months, of fruitless query reading."A: "Great. A writer with 8 novels, 91 short stories, and the inability to write a query letter.
"Hope you’re standing by your phone, because I’d hate for you to miss my call."
Just don't laugh too hard...
[One more]
Q:
"I am typing you this digital letter requesting that your agency represent me in securing a top-notched publisher to produce and sell my book."
A:
"Hey, buddy. It’s 2011. We no longer call them “digital letters.” They’re now known as “mystical airwave bulletins.”
For more of these gems, go to http://slushpilehell.tumblr.com and let me know if you find a jewel.